tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
