Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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