as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
