my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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