in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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