Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
How's work?
Spinning.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
