Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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