Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
