I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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