her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
