I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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