i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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