I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
