So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
