just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
