we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
