I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
