Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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