Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
