the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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