My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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