I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
