We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
foreskin is a definite game changer
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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