I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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