She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
