There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
