He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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