you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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