Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize