Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
