Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
