My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
