he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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