yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
