Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
