listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
