I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
this is an emotional support booty call
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
