you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
