I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
