Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
