I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
