I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
