You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
