yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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