Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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