so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
