Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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