If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
