It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
