what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
