dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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