Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
